Well, I’m not angry, really, just frustrated.
Group of people at old school all knew me, were halfway friends with me, but none of them acknowledged that along with each other, that they had this in common. They could have, might have chosen to get to know me better, let me in the ring, but they didn’t.
I’m halfway grateful, because some of these people ended up causing mild tribulations in my life. But I’m halfway pissed, because instead of crying in my dorm because I was alone, I might have at least had someone to call.
Though, now it’s no longer worth the angst, as I’m better friends with the ones I still need and love, and I don’t mind the others going their own way. Some, I don’t mind if I never have to see again. I will probably have to, and I’ll behave in a manner becoming of a young woman, kindly and cordial and nothing more, because I’m a good functioning member of society and don’t think hurt feelings are worth my own satisfaction. And I wouldn’t be satisfied anyway.
I don’t understand the notion of revenge. I have never felt gain from it, nor do I think I really could. There’s nothing better, to me, than coping and quietly moving on and away. Past is past, don’t you think?
The point is this: lonely nights suck. But I’m willing to bet that no one knew I was alone. That’s worst.
My fault or theirs? If it was mine, I’ve changed. It won’t happen anymore. That’s a promise. It’s already stopped. Theirs, then I can stop thinking I screwed up. I don’t really mind anyway, either way it’s fine, but I’m just, for this fifteen minutes, curious.
